Maybe lonely forever.

What do I do, when I get bored? Well, basicaly nothing. I smell the fresh air, I stay in bed with my head on the window so I can feel the breeze.. I sit on my balcony cuz Im lucky and I have trees so I can stay there behind they're shadows, It's almost like being on the park. And I dont know, this past few days, I've been feeling kinda weird. Im not having classes since two months ago, so im completely free with a lot of spare time to do what ever I want.. but still, that makes me sadder, cuz it makes me feel even more lonely. Nobody has time for me, cuz they're all studying.. I miss the coast.. The warm weather is driving me insane cuz I cant stop thinking about the ocean, the sound of it.. walking in the beach feeling the sand.. the smell.. everything..It alredy feels like summer.. but it isnt.. And im lonely..

I went to this bar last night.. it was awful for moments, even painful, but still, I had a great time.. I laughed a lot, cuz luckily I was with a lot of friends, and yesterday, was by far one of the best nights from the past few months. So im not sure about going out again tonight, cuz it risky.. I just dont want to ruin the good memories from yesterday by going out today knowing that I WILL get bored to death, making myself think a lot about how lonely I feel.
The past few days I've been thinking about starting a video blog on youtube, cuz even when I know that my english isnt perfect..I dont care, cuz I think thats not important anymore.. So who knows. Maybe. Im just trying to find a way to make me feel less lonely.
Im 20 and I still think that I dont fit anywhere.. Im one of those who couldnt fit in any group in school..The one that knows everybody, and talks with all the people, but at the same time never had a solid group of friends..
So because of that, I couldnt go out to a bar, on weekends, till i was almost 19, cuz I never had someone to go with.. And yes, I started going out.. ALONE. And through all this years I got used to that kind of things. But its not what i want for life and I just dont know what else can I do to stop this from being this way.
This is my first time (I think) writing this much about me on a public space.
So im going to stop now, I need to leave the computer cuz I cant stand all the bugs flying all around the screen, hahahaha and I need to take a shower too, hahah.
But before that, I really NEED to share this photographer I've found today.
Her name its Elizaveta Porodina's, shes a 23 years old fashion photographer from Munich, and her work its simply mindblowing, at least for me.
Heres a photo took by her



You should take a look at her work, I found it really inspiring.

Au revoir!